Keeping on
It’s been a while and I’ll tell ya why. Life as a bike racer has been a bit rough for me these past two months. I figured no one wants to read about rough times and, I’ll tell you what, I don’t particularly care for writing about them! So, I thought I had nothing to say.
So, here I am, traveling the world, experiencing life and not sharing anything when I realize that the way I’ve dealt with my struggles is something I want to share and something you might even want to hear about – well? This is going to get a little deep & maybe make zero sense, but it’s a blog post not a book deal. If you lose me, just look at my photos – they may or may not have anything to do with the words – after all, I have still been living the dream and taking pictures!
I think a lot of people view my life as a professional athlete as “living the dream” and, I’m not going to lie, it pretty much is just that. We all have to work but I get paid to do what I love – something I wish was true for everyone. So, that said, I’m going to drive you nuts and tell you that “living the dream” can actually be hard. Some of you already get this, and if you don’t get it, well….just try. I can tell you that if the job was easy, everyone would do it.
Starting March 11th, the World has been offering me some incredible opportunities for growth. A stomach bug, face rash, pregnancy and lupus tests, a fevery flu, trans-continental flights, racing nearly every weekend, a torn thumb ligament/“skiers thumb”, and some bruised ribs have all been a part of my story this year. As you might imagine, training on top of all of this hasn’t exactly been pretty. And by the way – as I was writing this post, I almost electrocuted myself…check out this picture:
Note that the plug prongs are welded to the metal outlet cover. Sparks flew, it hurt my bruised ribs when I flinched. My coaches reaction? "Stop touching things!"
Have you every noticed how easy it is to be happy when things are “going your way?” I believe the mind is good at dealing with the easy times. When things happen to be working out according “to plan” the mind is quite happy – the story on the outside aligns nicely with the story on the inside. But when things stray from the mind’s plan, it struggles and tries to ease the suffering. Here is where the mind really takes over and tells silly stories in an attempt to derail you from success – because the successful route isn’t always the easiest, and sometimes not easy hurts.
Your mind is protecting you…but from what? Life. It’s protecting you from feeling hurt, scared, vulnerable. But, I think, to really live and feel joy and happiness you must follow your heart. So….this is what I’ve been trying to do these past two months. Did my “plans” include illness and injury? Not exactly. Does my mind tell stories? “This isn’t THE PLAN – 2011 was supposed to go like….” Indeed. But I am learning self-discipline and while my mind will continue to tell stories to avoid “getting hurt”, my heart knows what it wants. My heart wants to live with enthusiasm, excitement and love. And to live this way means I continue to push through, live in the present and act with intention.
Have you lost me yet? Perhaps. Let me get to the point. Whether you’ve had a Spring like mine, had a rough week at work, or just a crappy training ride, I’ve learned that you must practice self-control and resist the temptation to listen to the negative chatter of the mind. Above all, trust yourself…trust your heart. Over the past few days, weeks, months and years you’ve made decisions that have either come from the heart or from the mind and there IS a difference in how these decisions feel. When decisions come from the heart, you feel free, calm, quiet. When decisions come from the mind you waffle, you need input from others, you are noisy…lots and lots of thoughts. Your mind will always choose the path that appears easiest because it ends the suffering sooner: “quit this interval early”, “don’t try the race”, “avoid that situation.”
The reason I race and compete is because I love setting goals, pushing my limits and the feeling of pure elation I experience when I reach my goals. This elation is a direct result of living a life full of intention and enthusiasm during difficult and easy times. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to be the fastest bike racer, the best mother, an outstanding employee, or simply striving for a personal best – I believe that we all want to feel alive, good and energetic. Keep your heart open through it all and you will always feel this excitement and joy….eventually! This is what keeps me going.
I love riding my bike fast and racing allows me to do this for a living. In life, you always have a choice – follow your heart or follow your mind. I can tell you now that over the past weeks, I have chosen to follow my heart (although my mind has certainly had lots to say about it). I’m not saying it’s easy – if it was easy, everyone would do it – but life has it’s ups and downs. The mind will always ride this roller coaster…the heart just watches and smiles.
Now picture time!
This little guy is definitely living with heart and he made me smile...so I took a photo of someone elses child at Sea Otter
Having a blast locally at Palmer Park in Colorado Springs before headed to Europe. I had just gotten back into the swing of training after 3 wks of illness/travel and somehow enjoyed myself...must have been the sweet trails. And, yes, I am racing in compression socks....What are you going to do about it?
We often travel the World and only see our hotel room and the course but in South Africa (for World Cup#1) we got to go on a safari the day after the race - Sam and Jeremy ate over 10 types of animal at the lunch
Giraffes at the Safari
Another rare (for many reasons) occurrence - swimming with sharks at the Durban aquarium in S. Africa
My "Wallace & Grommet" hand - a silly crash pre-rding the Dalby World Cup course has me in a splint through the end of June. I can still ride though - just have to figure out the sweet descending technique with a hunk of plastic on my hand
A grocer in Hadleigh where the 2012 Olympic course is - we checked the course out the day after Dalby WC#2. The name of this store is just funny. That is all.
We managed a quick bus tour of London before hopping on the plane to get to Germany for WC#2. London is a beautiful city.
I couldn't shift with my thumb at Offenburg so my rad mechanic Matt O and Marty at SRAM got me set up on a 1x10. This was absolutely spectacular and took me back to my single speeding roots! The race was going well enough but I got too rad and crashed HARD. I actually got fireman carried off the course by a concerned German who apparently thought that me getting run over by other racers as I lie moaning on the ground wasn't a good plan.
I can't imagine a better way to wrap up a few rough, beat down weeks of racing than hanging out with the Junior girls in Kirchzarten, Germany. We found the local bike park and the girls rocked it on the features. These girls remind me that we all have endless potential if we open our hearts to possibilty.
All smiles! This is Wesley - she is on the Tokyo Joes team which is where I started. Am I going to let a few difficult weeks mess with my happiness...awwwww, hell no! We can do anything if we DON'T put our minds to it 
Heather;
Your story is of a real living breathing athlete. I’ve been an athlete for over 50 years, and I’ve experienced ups downs and gone sideways, but I’ve never experienced such a clear description of the mind games your brain can play on you when things are not going well. It happens to all of us, but thank you for expressing it so succinctly.
Steve
Awesome blog post Heather, thank you. I seem to be experiencing injury after injury this last year (broke my scaphoid twice, toe once and just sprained my ankle yesterday) and have come to the same conclusion…follow your heart. Thank you for being awesome.
Rivers
Thank you.
I just decided last night to take a “mental health” week away from work to avoid complete combustion, and to ensure I still love my job 6 months, and 6 years from now. Your story comes at perfect timing as I get ready for a long solo, healing ride in the woods.
It is hard for highly organized, goal-oriented people to accept situations beyond our control. The ability to just breathe and accept the crap that comes our way, with faith that it will pass is exceedingly difficult, but seems, to me anyway, to be my regular and most critical lesson to learn.
Best of luck, keep growing.
So much love for you ! Great post … real lives are always so inspiring to read about
- Larr
Heather,
Thanks for posting about the good with the bad. I’ve had my share of huge struggles for 2011 and am trying to figure out how to overcome it all because this is NOT where I pictured myself early June 2011.
Here’s to rolling with the punches. Best of luck in the races the rest of the season and hope to line up with you at Nats!
“if my heart could do my thinking, and my head could begin to feel.” -Van Morrison
Nice post Heather
Great words. I’m ill at the moment and can’t train so inspiring (nothing too serious). BTW, “meat and two veg” is a SE England euphemism for the male genitalia!